About Families Online

Feature Articles for August, 2003

by Ellen Hartman

You’ve bought the backpack, the lunch box, and a pair of new sneakers. You’ve laid out the perfect first-day-of-school outfit and planned the perfect breakfast. Your child is totally ready for the first day of kindergarten. That’s it, then, right?

Not so fast.

Your child is starting a new life but so are you. You need to make some plans for how you, the left-at-home parent, will handle those empty hours until the school bell rings at the end of the day. Here are five essentials for surviving the parent’s first day of school.

1. Facts. As you watch the school bus pull away from the curb you should definitely know when it returns in the afternoon. On this high-stress day you need to know what to expect, so make like Officer Friday and get the facts. Know what time the bus comes and goes, what number the bus and route are, where to drop off and pick up your child, what kind of goodbyes are allowed. Find out if the school encourages you to send a change of clothes and what other supplies (like a rest mat) are first day essentials. You might find a rough schedule of your child’s day comforting so you can follow along in your imagination. You’ll have less anxiety if you don’t have to worry about the details and can just concentrate on your child.

2. A Game Plan. Figure out how many hours you need to fill and then decide how to fill them. Do not hope inspiration will strike at the moment you say goodbye to your child. Even if you wind up winging the day, a backup plan ensures that you won’t wind up at loose ends and in a panic at 9:45. What are some ideas? Do not organize your baby memorabilia–your heart can only take so much. Why not go out for coffee at that place that’s too small for strollers. Shop in that store with the snooty clerks who frown at small children. Go to the library, but don’t put even a toe in the children’s room, enjoy this time scouring the adult stacks for all the “new releases” you’ve missed in the last five years. Take a long, fast hike without stopping to examine a single leaf, puddle, or bug. Talk on the phone without interruption. (Do you know another first-time kindergarten parent you’d like to catch up with? I bet they’d be glad for the distraction!) You’ll miss your little one, but if you keep yourself occupied the day will pass eventually.

3. Support. Whether you fall apart or smile stoically at the moment of parting, the last thing you want to think about is keeping up appearances with strangers or newly-met parents you’d like to impress. Instead, line up someone who knows you and loves you just the way you are to be there with you. On my son’s first school day I came flying home after seeing him off on the bus because I belatedly realized that I had to tail the school bus just to be perfectly sure that my son got off and onto the playground safely. My husband wasn’t shocked by this, he didn’t argue with me (he may even have secretly expected something like this); he just hopped in the driver’s seat and followed that bus. On your child’s first day make sure you line up your kind of support: someone to cry with, spy with, or do a fierce workout with. You’re going to be emotional and will need to deal with that somehow.

4. A Great Outfit. Shallow? Not really. You’ll take pictures today that you and your child will treasure forever. Do you want to be memorialized wearing the bottoms from your old sweat suit and a t-shirt that has seen better days? Smiling bravely through your tears will be easier if you feel good about how you look.

5. Perspective. I saved the hardest one for last. The day you launch your baby can be a day that inspires regret. If only you’d done one more puzzle, made one more original artwork, or gone on one more hike…Stop right there. Don’t let yourself wallow. Growing up and moving on to a little more independence every year is a natural, healthy process. It has to happen and it’s good when it does. If you do find yourself thinking that you have missed out on some activity or time together, remember that it’s only kindergarten, not boot camp. Your child will be home at the end of the day. They’ll be eager to see you and delighted to find that there are special things planned. Give yourself and your child a few weeks to adjust to the school schedule and then start doing the things you’re wishing for. You have years to enjoy your child and your life together, years to make more special memories to treasure.